Sometimes I wonder…seriously…
It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the idea being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion(I am FAB at t his little trick, btw), while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire(wrong!!). I get along with men much better than women, always have, am often considered 'one of the guys' because I relate to men so much better, have a bawdy sense of humor, and have no problem expressing it. That being said, my 'male-brain' doesn't extend to an attraction to women. It's one of those things that(like MFM or FFM), for me, the fantasy just won't make it to reality. I do not share well with others and I think in the MFM scenario, one of those boys would get hurt--I know how I get. Besides, I don't like the idea of being shared either.
I, for one, stepped into the infidel waters with the sole intention of getting some good ol' rockin' sex and if that meant testing the waters with different men til I found the perfect beach--then so be it. I want(ed) to try things the hubs just won't and in some cases, refuses to even discuss (now, I am not talking anything dark and nasty--just a little less vanilla is all). So, I actively sought out discreet liaisons with men I found to be well matched with my sense of humor and what I was looking for. And I am…was…uhm…sort of sometimes still looking (I have a certain amount of intimacy issues--I get too close and I feel the need to break and run--I'm trying to work on that)…is it okay to use the phrase, "it's complicated" here? I didn't bed an insane amount of men--I have a full time job, and a family, and normal outside activities that limit my 'free' time--but the ones I did, with a singularly glaring exception, made it so worth my while.
Secondly, I wanted nothing, NOTHING, to do with 'emotional connections'…if I found him sexy, funny, and the chemistry was there, I was going for it! Love? Puh-leez!! I was/am well beyond the doe-eyed innocence to think you need that(love) for a very satisfying sexual encounter.(and as much as I am still dismayed by the fact that I love Tripp, I don't know that it would necessarily stop me from seizing an opportunity, should one conveniently fall in my lap…call it what you will, but it is what it is. Just sayin'…but I am also not actively looking now either.)
I don't cheat because I am necessarily unhappy or looking for some deep emotional connection. There is some level of boredom in my primary relationship--a dissatisfaction, if you will. I have no desire to leave my husband--I love him, very much in fact. I am, for the most part, happily married with the occasionally satisfying married sex life. It’s the differences in our ideas of what "occasionally" means. I am most definitely not a once a week kind of a girl(once a day, for several hours works for me--think you got it?? LOL!!)…he is happy with once a week. Of those once a week encounters, once a month (if I am lucky) is quite satisfying--the rest…eh, not so much. He's satisfied, and he has those moments all too often where that is enough for him. Let's not get me started on how fucking annoying THAT little bit of selfishness is…I really don't want to be mad at him right now.
I saw this somewhere: “Men are like light switches - just flip them on and they’re ready to go. Women are like irons - plug them in and let them warm up.” Or, wait: Is it that men are like microwaves - just push a button to turn them on - and women are like Crock-Pots that need to simmer? Yet another set of adages that links me to being more like a guy--believe me, I don't have a penis ala Lady Gaga (or anyone else for that matter) and have a definitive set of boobs that are all me (no Barbie girl here folks). I guess I bailed on the overly hormonal Venus and invaded Mars. Sorry guys, my heels are dug in, my tent is pitched (not like THAT you pervs) and I am staying on Mars with y'all.
I hope you don't mind.
If you do…well…too fucking bad.
LOL!
Just sayin'….
(and if my pal Letch's advice works, you won't have to see the confidentiality notice at the end of this… :::fingers crossed::: )
It's often said that men cheat for sex, while women cheat for love, the idea being that men can more easily compartmentalize sex and emotion(I am FAB at t his little trick, btw), while women typically need to experience an emotional connection to a person before feeling sexual desire(wrong!!). I get along with men much better than women, always have, am often considered 'one of the guys' because I relate to men so much better, have a bawdy sense of humor, and have no problem expressing it. That being said, my 'male-brain' doesn't extend to an attraction to women. It's one of those things that(like MFM or FFM), for me, the fantasy just won't make it to reality. I do not share well with others and I think in the MFM scenario, one of those boys would get hurt--I know how I get. Besides, I don't like the idea of being shared either.
I, for one, stepped into the infidel waters with the sole intention of getting some good ol' rockin' sex and if that meant testing the waters with different men til I found the perfect beach--then so be it. I want(ed) to try things the hubs just won't and in some cases, refuses to even discuss (now, I am not talking anything dark and nasty--just a little less vanilla is all). So, I actively sought out discreet liaisons with men I found to be well matched with my sense of humor and what I was looking for. And I am…was…uhm…sort of sometimes still looking (I have a certain amount of intimacy issues--I get too close and I feel the need to break and run--I'm trying to work on that)…is it okay to use the phrase, "it's complicated" here? I didn't bed an insane amount of men--I have a full time job, and a family, and normal outside activities that limit my 'free' time--but the ones I did, with a singularly glaring exception, made it so worth my while.
Secondly, I wanted nothing, NOTHING, to do with 'emotional connections'…if I found him sexy, funny, and the chemistry was there, I was going for it! Love? Puh-leez!! I was/am well beyond the doe-eyed innocence to think you need that(love) for a very satisfying sexual encounter.(and as much as I am still dismayed by the fact that I love Tripp, I don't know that it would necessarily stop me from seizing an opportunity, should one conveniently fall in my lap…call it what you will, but it is what it is. Just sayin'…but I am also not actively looking now either.)
I don't cheat because I am necessarily unhappy or looking for some deep emotional connection. There is some level of boredom in my primary relationship--a dissatisfaction, if you will. I have no desire to leave my husband--I love him, very much in fact. I am, for the most part, happily married with the occasionally satisfying married sex life. It’s the differences in our ideas of what "occasionally" means. I am most definitely not a once a week kind of a girl(once a day, for several hours works for me--think you got it?? LOL!!)…he is happy with once a week. Of those once a week encounters, once a month (if I am lucky) is quite satisfying--the rest…eh, not so much. He's satisfied, and he has those moments all too often where that is enough for him. Let's not get me started on how fucking annoying THAT little bit of selfishness is…I really don't want to be mad at him right now.
I saw this somewhere: “Men are like light switches - just flip them on and they’re ready to go. Women are like irons - plug them in and let them warm up.” Or, wait: Is it that men are like microwaves - just push a button to turn them on - and women are like Crock-Pots that need to simmer? Yet another set of adages that links me to being more like a guy--believe me, I don't have a penis ala Lady Gaga (or anyone else for that matter) and have a definitive set of boobs that are all me (no Barbie girl here folks). I guess I bailed on the overly hormonal Venus and invaded Mars. Sorry guys, my heels are dug in, my tent is pitched (not like THAT you pervs) and I am staying on Mars with y'all.
I hope you don't mind.
If you do…well…too fucking bad.
LOL!
Just sayin'….
(and if my pal Letch's advice works, you won't have to see the confidentiality notice at the end of this… :::fingers crossed::: )
I'm right there with you! I am great at not getting emotionally attached to guys I sleep with, too great in fact...I am actually now attempting to find those feelings that us women are supposed to have but the damn buggers are alluding me, definitely on another planet!
ReplyDeletelittle miss...I have managed not to get too attached to all but two(Rock & Tripp) and in a previous blog life, I shared the gut wrenching breakup that I initiated with Rock because he wanted more than I could ever offer and he broke a cardinal promise to me and really left me no choice...
ReplyDeleteThis time around, the very last thing I wanted was to fall in love and fought it tooth and nail until the denying it was having a direct impact on my "real world". Once I accepted the truth of the matter, while making certain aspects more complicated, everything overall got much simpler.
Not a recommended course though, if you're married, just sayin'. And welcome to a little corner of my world. :-)
I think some of the stereotypes are true, based on my limited experience. Women do seem to want more of an emotional connection, and men are able to do things in a more purely physical way. But just because it's a stereotype, doesn't mean it's a universal truth--I'm glad you don't fit the mold. ;)
ReplyDeleteI'm also glad the blogging thing worked and the confidentiality notice didn't show up. :)
Haha, well then you'll have to get into one of those MFM threesomes where you're the sub, and then you CAN'T hurt anyone's feelings :-P
ReplyDeleteSo for us married men trying desperately to keep our wives satisfied, tell us: what more could we be doing to be better at it after all these years?
Obviously more than once a week (I'm right there with you on that). Obviously don't have sex where your singular intention is your own orgasm. Any other tips?
Oh Ethan, Ethan, Ethan...silly man! <> I am not worried about hurting ayone's FEELINGS. Let's just say I am a "thrasher and a gnasher" when in a highly sexed state. I bite too! It's their physical selves I'd be concerned with.
ReplyDeleteI don't know that asking an admitted adulterer for advice on a successful marriage is the wisest course of action. LOL! But first and foremost I would say listen, REALLY listen to her. Discuss without anger or judgement. Realize you're both individuals with your own set of likes and dislikes--and that it's okay to like different things--not ALL things ned to be shared. Be willing to say you're sorry and truly mean it--not just to shut down an argument. Also be willing to forgive. Be a united front with your child--never discuss decisions regarding her in front of her. Always, ALWAYS talk positively about her with everyone, hold her in the highest regard. Every day, find or remember some small thing that makes you fall in love with her all over again.
Oh, and be flexible. Rigid attitudes- "my way or no way" - suck dirty monkey nuts and chip away at the most solid of foundations slowly but surely.
After reading your latest post though, you seem to be doing all right my friend...I know you'll be all right. :)