"I'm a hate fucker and there will be no flowers coming the next day".
I have been on both sides of that statement. (Not that I have ever sent a man flowers, regardless. And no, funerals do not count).
I have used, and I have been used.
It doesn't make me lucky or unlucky in love.
It doesn't make me sad, mad (anymore), happy or indifferent.
It does, though, make me human.
That's not really what this is about today though.
There's this little thing I do…
I cheat.
Deal.
With.
It.
Or don't.
Just don't try to evangelize me.
Please.
And yes, I am well aware that not all humans cheat…that doesn't make us any less human though.
Anyhow…
One day I decided to actively look for a partner in crime, so to speak. I signed up on Ashley Madison to anonymously stick my toe in the waters of adultery. Once I was comfortable enough to doggie paddle around there, I made my carefully worded profile public.
Holy hell!
The baby was dropped in an ocean and told to swim!
I was, in a word, amazed that there were so many men in my vicinity looking for the same thing as I was!! An extra-marital tryst. And that they wanted little ol' me!! Who knew there were so many like-minded males out there just waiting for me to create and activate my profile so they could tell me how much they were waiting for a woman…Just. Like. Me.
Heh, yeah.
It wasn't long before my naiveté disappeared.
Not long at all.
Lucky for me, I am an adept bullshit detector.
That, or I was just incredibly lucky with the men I met there.
Add to that a healthy dose of wariness and caution way before ever actually meeting any one of them. I might be one of those who could potentially be labeled "all talk" for that reason. I am not though, truly. The way I see it is, if I think you're worth my while and you think I am worth yours (and how could anyone not think that about me, I mean, really!) then interacting online and (if you're lucky) on the phone should be a small price to pay to determine if the potential is even there. Why waste anyone's precious time?
I have to like you if I am going to fuck you and I can't like you if I don't get to know you, therefore could never fuck you if we don't take the time for me to get to know you (see the vicious circle it becomes?). Besides, I like to be honest with myself and it makes me feel better to know that I have some insight to who you are when we meet and I do decide to fuck you on the first date (it's quite rare, but it has happened…that's a post for another day though).
I mean, it's not like I am fucking a complete stranger.
Right?
(Stay with me here—let's keep my esteem bubble in tact, thanks.)
As it is, for the right now, I am actually not cheating. Not really. Well, unless you call im'ing crazily, the occasional phone call, and the figuring potential dates to actually meet (in the future) cheating…well then I guess I am guilty as charged. It is so not a matter of if, but of when. I know me and I know my issues with fidelity, so please don't psychoanalyze me—not many rules here and easy to remember too. 1) Don't evangelize me and 2) Don't psychoanalyze me.
See how easy that is?
I hope to have some documentable sexcapades for interesting blog fodder very soon. Honestly, its not for a lack of wanting or trying. I'm hoping this is just a phase and that this too shall pass. Only time will tell. Although I can't see myself being a cheat forever (or even that often since logistics hate me), its who/what I am for now. It's not who I am, nor who I will always be. But right now, I have to do what is right for me. And as odd as it sounds, this feels like my need?
In the mean time, I hope to post some never been published stories of previous encounters Remember, I did have a blog (or 2) prior to this one—both have been deep-sixed out of existence—well as much as one can within the inner workings of the internet.
I have no doubt that some will stop by and wonder, "Is that..?? Nah—it couldn't be…could it?". Well, it very may well be—I find it incredibly difficult to keep my personality out of my posts as well as some certain phrases that I may not catch before I hit publish.
Feel free to ask if its really me—but...I reserve the right to lie through my teeth.
Just sayin'.
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