Brave

OK.  I need to interrupt the Hookey Day Posts.  Jane is in the hospital having surgery today.  It is scheduled because of something they found and to cope I have been telling myself (and truly believing) that everything will be fine.  It has to be!  But I didn't sleep well last night.  Not at all.  I tossed and turned and flipped and flopped.  I'd go to sleep for a while - those brief moments of sleep were the only saving grace.  I didn't apparently have my normal dreams involving Jane driving me crazy in a lil skirt until I could take no more and stole her off to a quiet lil spot to have my way with her.  I'd wake with an anxious feeling of knowing that today was the day that she was going to the hospital to undergo surgery.  I watched the alarm as it went off for my wife who works much earlier than I do.  I shut off my alarm well before it went off and decided to keep myself busy getting ready doing things.  But it didn't work.  I couldn't think about anything else but her there and how I wish I was holding her hand.

We were fortunate enough to have a couple hours together yesterday at our normal hotel.  And while I had my way with her (gently - geez she's going through surgery the following day and I'm not an animal  - OK Jane accuses me of being a beast - LOL, but I was gentle) I was just happy with the time we had.  We just needed to be together behind closed doors by ourselves away from the world for a while.  I guess I never want to leave but I didn't yesterday for another reason.  I just wanted every moment to last forever before today was here as we said and smooched goodbye. 

As Jane was in her car I was kissing her goodbye.  K maybe a few times, but I can't help myself.  I thought I put up a good brave facade as I looked at her and maybe kissed her again - LOL.  So not my fault.  She EXTREMELY smoochable!  Then she said something which made me think that maybe she saw through my brave front.  She said "Don't worry..."  Well I felt a crack forming all along my brave facade and it took me a moment to compose myself.  It was probably a brief and maybe to the casual observer imperceptible crack, but it felt like the grand canyon had formed straight down my courageous front and she saw straight through me.  I guess she knows me pretty well.

But I sent this to her yesterday and she printed it out for her desk.  She will be out of work for at least a couple of weeks.


And I know it will by baby!

She is able to listen to her iPod during surgery which made me smile because I got it for her and she told me about her play list.  This song is on there and I've been playing it a lot today.

I love you my brave baby!