I was doing some thinking last night…which is amazing that I could think at all after the time I spent with Tripp yesterday.
He mad dashed around the room while I was driving to our rendezvous hotel setting up the restraints…we had a little wager going that whoever got there first was the ‘winner’ and the ‘loser’ was going to be restrained. As it were, no one got restrained…even though it would have been me (I slowed down on the drive…and stopped to buy him candy…LOL!)…it was a little comical when I was lying on top of him and flipped one of the restraints off the bed and said, “Whoops…” and explained that it wanted to join its brothers and sisters on the floor.
And that is where they stayed for the remainder of our visit.
It started as it always does, with the kissing and I could (almost) do that all day. And me pushing him down on the bed for more (clothed) kissing—he laughingly said I was “in a mood”…to the eventual mutual disrobing where he reiterated how much he really likes unbuttoning my blouse…to me playfully denying him anything but kisses…to him (finally to hear him tell it) being granted access to puss and being totally rotten and humming into her after I was already in a VERY sensitive state…but that’s okay—I had my revenge when I returned the favor…and it had me literally laying on the floor laughing after the fact.
Such an intense reaction from him.
Who would have thought a post-orgasm cock would be so highly sensitive?? I’m kind of surprised there wasn’t a newly created sun tunnel/skylight in that room.
Yes. I am THAT evil. LOL!
Anyhow—the thinking part. I can’t really tell you a time when I didn’t feel all happy and light, laughing and playful when I am in his presence. Everything just flows so easily between us and I know in my heart of hearts that I can share my deepest, darkest secrets and he would accept me, as he always has.
I never have felt a moment of fear, rejection, domination (in the bad big D way, and really—we don’t play that way seriously), abandonment, or suffocation. No clingy neediness and only once did I ever see a flash of anger (hated it!)—stemming from a misunderstanding and quickly resolved.
Well, not so quick that he didn’t end up with a sunburned neck. (sorry baby…lol!)
Then it dawned on me.
I feel safe with him and I trust him wholly.
Safe.
Trust.
If you knew a bit of my history, you’d understand how epically huge trust and safe issues are for me—suffice it to say, you’ll just have to take my word for it. J My blog, my rules.
Because we have this intimacy outside of the sexual arena (…call it emotional intimacy…) but whatever you call it, I miss the safe, protected feeling when I am away from him and I just miss the who that is him…it makes every goodbye more difficult than the last, the disappointment almost palpable.
And yet, it doesn’t stop us from doing what we do.
Because regardless of all sorrow at leaving, the uncertainty of when we’ll next see each other, the fact that there are no (and never will be) any easy answers, we have something very special.
I love what we have and I love him.
And that is enough.
I think on occasion as well. You can stop laughing Jane – LOL. Not at the times when you are thinking about – no. There’s minimal brain function then as you well know. Breathing, speech, seeing straight…yeah those functions may be lost at certain times :-P And I swear I was denied for what seemed like hours. First playfully with kissing even though I think she only made it to two Mississippi – ROFLMAO. Trust me. They were long Mississippis. Out of that list of 49 things to try you pick that one. And then later denied until I thoroughly convinced her…oh and almost shooting me through the roof – LOL. Yes, you were “in a mood.”
ReplyDeleteYou know that I think about you constantly. You’re always on my mind and in my heart. You always will be. You laughed at the trip I took last month where everything reminded me of and made me miss you so painfully much, but I can’t help it. “There was this movie and there was a girl in it...” was Jane’s impression of me – so laughing as I write this. I woke this morning after our afternoon together just wrapped in my blanket…hugging it and missing you so fiercely as I mentioned this morning. You consume my dreams as well as my conscious thoughts. Hey, those dreams have given me ideas on occasion ;-) And when we’re together…well my god everything just clicks, just feels right. I just feel completely happy. I just feel like the real me gets to come through. The me I want to be. The happy me. The complete me. It doesn’t matter if we’re sneaking in a quick smooch or spending the entire day together. I’m just so for a lack of a better description completely happy to be with you. I know as only you and I could how difficult the goodbyes are. I tend to drag them out not wanting to leave – ya probably never noticed :-P But we get to thankfully chat on the way home and usually at night. It just lessens the pain of missing you a little. I guess what does help me the most is the feeling throughout the day – the wonderful feeling that I have knowing that you are in my heart and in my life. I never stop missing you, but I do have you in my heart and the memories to hold onto until we see each other again to make new ones.
And something very special, to me, is the epitome of an understatement. Even though I’ve been accused of being wordy, I could never come close to fully describing how truly wonderful what Jane and I have together is. I trust and love you wholly as well baby!