Tripp...and stumble

...Until…

One day, I ventured back on to AM with a whole new name and incomplete profile.  You know how AM 'suggests' people with the parameters you give?  Well, Tripp turned up in the top the mix and since we had been out of touch for no small amount of time, I sent him a 'wink'—which, in my experience, is much more effective when sent by a woman than by a man.  And if nothing else, I know him well enough to know I wouldn't have to wait long before he dropped a few credits and emailed me.  Of course, I was right.  Don't worry—it doesn't happen often enough for me to let it go to my head.

I was going to be 'mean' and not reveal my true identity to him—played with the scenario a good bit before deciding it was just too rotten of a thing to do—even for me.   I've since deleted the email exchanges, I apologized and explained my disappearance and we ended up arranging a coffee date to catch up and re-connect as what we both determined would be friends only since our initial get together was less than stellar and that was that.  He was going to be that somewhat epic fail in my AM adventure, and I was apparently going to be the lesson learned for him.

During the course of our re-connecting, we discussed 'what went wrong' with out initial meeting.  He said I was giving mixed signals.  I was—I know I was but it wasn't because I was trying to…there was this weird metaphorical dance we were caught up in…he'd lean forward and seem to be really into things, and then he'd suddenly seem to isolate himself.  I guess I was doing the same thing—no blame to be cast in any one particular place.  It just wasn't happening. I explained to him that, while I found him attractive, his lack of confidence was a bit of a downer for me.  That I like a take charge kind of guy because if I wanted to run the show all the time, well….I'd just not stray from home.  There was that and his terribly obvious discomfort—which again, I take some blame for since I over played the confidence hand in the parking lot. 

Fast forward to the coffee date.

We decided beforehand that sitting in a coffee shop anywhere in the greater city area would be sheer stupidity.  We showed up separately and when we exited our vehicles I was once again struck by just how tall he is, and how those rugged, boyish good looks normally so do it for me…I was a smidge disappointed that it wasn't going to work for us.  He gives me a hug and we bitch about the cold weather.

Oh well…let's go in and get our coffees and come back out to the car and chat a little more privately. And its not quite private enough since this normally quiet coffee shop is busier than a three  legged cat trying to cover his poop on a marble floor.  We decide to take my car and find a quieter spot—which ended up being the movie theater parking lot, under the broken light.  Hey now—it was the remotest spot…the darkness had nothing to do with it at all!  It ended up playing a significant part in our conversation, but it was a happy by product, not a conscious decision.

So there we are…chit chatting…exchanging our AM highlights and horrors, having a good time when suddenly, he grasps my hand and says, "I am really glad you decided to come out tonight". And he didn't let it go…we just kind of sat there for a minute…me contemplating his hand holding mine…and him watching me.  When I looked away from our hands, still trying to digest this turn,  he pulled the hand he was holding towards him and wrapped the other firmly in my hair and shamelessly kissed any prospect of coherent thought right out of my head.

When we finally came up for air, I had to ask him, when I finally found my words, "Where the hell was THAT guy last year?" He smiled (it makes me want to stick my tongue in that cute little dimple of his just remembering it) and explained that he was always there, but he didn't want to scare me off because he thought I was cool, and cute, and normal (unlike some of the other encounters he had)…and when I asked about the interim time, after I had eradicated all things AM & affair related, why he didn't press the issue that first night or in our exchanges afterward—at least until I dropped completely off the radar.  His response was as simple as it was true. "It had to wait until we were both in the same place relationship-wise.  We just weren't then."

But we are now…

Are we ever.