I Am A Kickass Woman!

This is just one in a series of several posts that I'd written in months past... I have been wrestling with "to post, or not to post" for awhile. 

But you know what?  I'll post what I please, as I please... whenever I please. And in no particular order (as you will figure out as I post).

I'll whine, bitch and complain if I want to. I'll be as mad, sad, angry or as joyous and happy as I want to be because it's my space, my rules.

So.

Continuing on...

Sorry you forgot that.

Know this for fact.

I WILL be okay.

I WILL be better than "good".

This pain of betrayal & grief will pass.

Eventually.

And then, when it finally does…you’re going to see ME

Holding hands with someone else

Someone that made the time for me, real time, regardless

Someone who took YOUR chance

Because YOU were afraid

And I won’t even see YOU

Because I will be too busy laughing

At his stupid jokes & silliness

And it will burn a hole through YOUR heart

Seeing ME smiling, amused…

Maybe even truly happy again.

And realizing YOU aren’t the reason anymore.

Then you will REALLY see me, maybe for the first time.

And then, then it will truly hit YOU

Finally.

That realization…this...it's your loss

It was me.

It was ALWAYS me.

It will ALWAYS be me.

And she will NEVER be me.

NEVER support you like I did.

NEVER understand you like I did.

NEVER handle things like I did.

NEVER make you feel like I did.

NEVER love you like I did.

Not even close.

So...

When your demons wake you up in the middle of the night, and you can't fall back asleep--you'll remember she isn't me.

When her kiss doesn't taste as sweet, or convey nearly as much feeling, and you feel unloved--you'll remember she isn't me.

When you're in a room with her, surrounded by other people and you still feel utterly alone--you'll remember she isn't me.

When she's criticizing you instead of encouraging you & lifting you up--you'll remember she isn't me.

But you'll especially remember she isn't me after you see me walking away, your heart breaking with each step I take without looking back.

And you’ll have to live with that.

And the loss...

Of everything we both know WE could have been.

Would have been.

Should have been.

Too bad you didn't remember she wasn't me that fateful "fuck a dirty bar whore" night.

Just sayin'...

You gave up on the one person who had NEVER given up on you.

And worse still, you gave up on yourself.

If only you'd have believed in us the way I did.

If only you didn't allow fear to rule your heart and make your decisions.

If "if" were a fifth we'd all be drunk... 

If frogs had square assholes, they'd shit bricks...

If only you didn't fuck a dirty bar whore.

If...if...if

If only...

SO...

Find your reason to smile again.

I truly wish you a happier life.

I will always wish you "enough"

&

I will ALWAYS love you.

♥Always♥